I ended up writing about five different things that I once respected as someone who is (or was) "moral". A moral person is defined as someone who "conforms to a standard of right behavior." For me, the facets of these behavior I am am most concerned with fall under five themes: Convenience, Tolerance vs. Acceptance, Loyalty, Forgiveness, and Trust. By analyzing each theme, I have come to the following conclusions:
1) My morality has changed. Very much. I wasn't ok with it until I looked at how much changed and why. Now that I know what I'm dealing with, I think I'll be able to handle it just fine.
2) On my brand new Morality Scale, these subjects fall within the following categories- Negative, Neutral, or Positive. Negative aspects are things I'm trying to get rid of. Neutral aspects are things I am going to have to deal with, like it or not, so I use them with a grain of salt. Positive aspects are things I want to include more of. There is no more Right or Wrong, just Positive, Neutral, and Negative.
3) Convenience is an overwhelmingly Negative aspect. In the past, when I have done things out of convenience for myself or others, those things have never worked out. Convenience when put into the context of human relationships and feelings is not a good thing at all and is to be avoided as much as possible.
4) Tolerance is Negative in the sense that it is a "convenient" form of the Positive Acceptance. Tolerance can be a good thing when used sparingly and with an open mind with the intent of positive change and growth. On the whole, people should not be tolerated, they should be accepted. In the case that I come across people that I cannot accept as they are (people who have not earned my trust or, worse, breached it or have hurt either myself or people I care for), then I will tolerate with the intent of acceptance or, in the worst case scenario, cut off contact until acceptance is a viable pathway, if it ever is. I do not need to tolerate disrespectful or malicious behavior from people, nor do I need to accept it.
5) Loyalty is overrated. There is no point in being loyal to a fault. Loyalty to abuse or an abuser is not healthy for anyone. That being said, loyalty has a place in close bonds. Not so much in superficial bonds. The most important loyalty one can have is the loyalty to oneself above all other things. Once we start betraying who were are and what we believe in, it all starts going downhill. Loyalty is Neutral.
6) Forgiveness is a Positive ideal I'm going to strive for. However, forgiveness is only meant to be reached when there has been an offense made by a close -ship. Superficial -ships can get away with more because of their nature. Deep -ships call for apologies and forgiveness when a party has been "wronged". Additionally, forgiveness has to be earned. And sincere. On both sides.
7) Trust is reserved only for the worthy. In order to trust someone, I need to know who they are and accept them for who they are. I need to stay on my guard. Not know them through other people or rumors. Not let my guard down until I am 100% sure I know exactly who this person is and, once I do, I need to actually like them too. If a person betrays that trust, then I will either Cut Ties or Forgive and Accept depending on the situation. As I mentioned in part five, some things are unforgivable to me. In no part of this did I say the trust would be regained immediately. Once my trust is gone, it needs to be worked for again. This is not a challenge for those looking for something convenient. Trust is Neutral.
I guess I can call these my new commandments. I have come to them after more than a few experiences on the front lines of social wars. There were some good and bad moments there, but I learned from them all. And that is what matters the most; that I grew and that I can come out of these experiences a stronger, wiser woman.
RG
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