Today's topic: Trust. Possibly the most discussed topic in the history of humankind ever. Trust is something that all people want to have but rarely possess. It's so important that there's even a specific sin in many world religions that hinges on breaking one's Trust: betrayal. In Dante's Inferno, it's not the murderers or lustful or greedy who end up in the darkest depths of Hell. It's the traitors. That's how important Trust is to people.
For the record, Trust is defined as the reliance on and confidence in the truth, worth, reliability, etc, of a person or thing; faith. Trust is one of those intangible things like love or courage or loyalty. People have an idea of what trust is but can't physically share it with a another person. Trust is also one of the BIGGEST gambles a person can take. When a person trusts another person or a thing, they are putting their faith and belief in that person/thing. They are pretty much assuming that what they believe in will come through for them, that simply by believing, everything will turn out as they desire or plan.
Except when everything doesn't. At all.
As nice as Trust is, it's dangerous. It's dangerous because people are notoriously unreliable. I didn't grow up in an environment where Trust was an important virtue. I grew up in a home where convenience was important. We told each other things depending on whether or not they would make our lives easier, not on whether or not they were necessarily true. Needless to say, this is not the best environment for someone to develop any trusting skills. My experience with Trust was "Trust only your family." Keep in mind, this is flawed logic because I am essentially trusting people who don't tell the truth. People that I see lie with my own eyes, people who weren't trustworthy at all. So, therefore, Trust to me was meaningless for a long time. What was the point of trusting strangers when I knew my own family didn't tell the truth?
Then, something wonderful happened to me. I went to college. I got out of the family I was brought up in and was immersed in a world of diverse peoples and experiences. I fell in love. I found someone that, in spite of all the complaints and past experiences I could muster, I trusted entirely. And it took me five years to be ok with that. Five years of learning that I can trust that someone won't hurt me, that someone will be there for me when I need them. I learned that opening myself up to that Trust was a wonderful thing. But it also came with a price.
By starting to trust him, I started to trust people he trusted. And to be completely honest, his Trust was misplaced. I trusted people for him and was hurt. And in those five years, my Trust for him was battling my skepticism of everyone else. There were many days where I would look at myself and him and think "Is he worth my heart; should I keep trusting him?" There were also just as many days where I said, "Yes, he is." In the battle of Skepticism and Trust when it came to him, Trust won. In the battle for everyone else, Skepticism won.
I do not regret the good things that came from -ships that have since ended due to breaches of Trust. I do not regret the fact that it took losing my newfound Trust in people in order to gain unshakeable Trust in my fiance. I do not know if I will be able to trust anyone the way I trust him, but then again, I'm not really sure I want to. Trust seems to be given too freely among people I know. I've seen it be given to people that are obviously untrustworthy only to have those who gave it betrayed and broken. I've been in that situation. It's not a happy one.
In my morality, I see Trust as neutral where most people would see it as good. A relationship that is meaningful and good has to have Trust. I cannot accept things I do not Trust. I can tolerate them, but I can't accept them until I trust that they are, in fact, what they say they are. Not what they want or plan to be, what they are. However, who is to say that I need to accept every thing and every person I come across? Why should I? Shouldn't Trust be earned, gained by someone who makes the effort to get it? I think Trust that is handed out blindly is stupid. Trust that is gained through positive growth and experience is good.
Trust can be also be terrible. Trusting people or things that have not properly earned Trust can be disastrous. Trusting people because "other people trust them" is also ridiculous. Everyone has a different dynamic on which relationships work. I learned that the hard way with my fiance. He accepted things I could barely tolerate and vice versa. Additionally, people are stupid for the most part. They are willing to put their faith in things that are convenient, shiny, and pretty, but not necessarily true. They're also the first to decry anything that shines a light on their illusions, no matter how bright that light shines. The only thing that can wake these people up are the things they trust, and that's through betrayal. And even then, most people will choose a convenient lie over an inconvenient truth. A stagnant situation over a scary, world-shaking change.
Trust is not something that should be impossible to give to people, but it shouldn't be handed out like Halloween candy either. When done well, Trust can be a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who hasn't seen trust done well that often. It wasn't until I fell in love that I thought Trust could be done well at all. And even with love, I have noticed that effort plays a huge part in gaining Trust. If a person can't be bothered to try to gain my Trust, then they have no right to be mad that I don't trust them. If I'm too difficult for people to get to know, there are plenty of shallow, non-haunted people out there for them to play with and hurt. People come to me because they sense something about me. I can't say what it is, because it's been different for everyone. Sometimes it's a kindred spirit. Other times a guide or a mentor, or someone to guide or mentor. Even a friend or friendly acquaintance. In reviewing my beliefs, I've found that I need Trust for all of these to work.
I've become accustomed to a mostly solitary life. It's time I break out of it. At least I can trust myself to do that. I can also trust that I will make good decisions on the people I have surrounding me. There is a saying in my culture, La mierda se junta con mierda. In polite terms, it means that we are judged by who we associate with; if we associate with less than desirable people, it reflects on us. If we associate with desirable people, that also reflects on us. In my case, it is neither right nor wrong to trust people. It is a decision. Not everyone deserves to be trusted and some people deserve to be trusted more than others. It is my decision who I trust, no one else's. It is wrong to trust people based on what others say about them. It is right to trust them based on what I have to say about them. And if they care enough to change that, then they'll do something about it, now won't they?
The TL;DR version of these posts will be coming up later today!
RG
No comments:
Post a Comment