This is the first of interrelated blog posts. They all approach the same theme: my morality and how it has evolved from times past. Today's topic: Convenience.
Convenience is described as " freedom from discomfort." When things are done "at one's convenience," they are done in a manner that is easy. People do not have to exert a great effort or dedicate a lot of time to performing things or acts when they have convenience in mind. Convenience doesn't seem to have a negative connotation at first sight. It actually sounds pretty positive; why exert an effort for something that is problematic? Do things the easy way!
Except I am a former user and a victim of convenience. Once upon a time, my relationships with people depended on convenience. Was hanging out with a given person fun? Did hanging out with them require much effort on my part? Was spending time with this person good for me socially? If those questions had positive answers, then I built an amicable acquaintanceship. I rarely built friendships, but when I did, they were always set with permanence in mind. Until they ended. Some ended well. Some ended badly. This relates to those that ended badly.
The user became the victim. I was no longer convenient to spend time around. I was branded. "She's a hassle." "Too opinionated." "Not worth the time." These are all things I heard related to me. I learned too well what I had been dealing out to people when they started dealing it out to me. I felt hurt, betrayed, and yet, wiser.
I learned convenience is a terrible thing to base any kind of relationship on. I want convenience when I'm in traffic or looking for ways to make tasks and work easier. I don't want the primary reason to be around people to be "it's easy for me to be around them and I get a reward for it." It can be a perk, but it should not be what the relationship is based on. Any relationship worth having takes effort. There is no such thing as a truly convenient relationship. If it is too perfect, something is wrong. Life is messy, complicated, inconvenient. It's better to deal with it as it is than to try and cut corners. Cutting corners may be convenient, but not when it comes to people and emotions.
In the morality I am developing now, I don't see convenience as pure evil. But it does fall more on the black side than white or gray. Convenience can be dangerous, especially when it's a main motivation. Forming friendships and relationships based on convenience is playing with fire. That's not to say that every friendship or relationship should be ridiculously complicated. There needs to be a balance. Effort needs to be made on both sides of a -ship for it to work well. If it's out of convenience for one of the people involved, they will leave when it stops being convenient. It's how most people are, sadly.
Knowing what I've learned about convenience has definitely prepared me to look at my interactions with people in a new light. I'm looking forward to developing new -ships and reinvigorating old ones now that I am leaving convenience behind as something I base said -ships on.
Next time: Tolerance vs. Acceptance
RG
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