Beliefs

I've been in contact with an acquaintance who is interested in becoming a closer friend. During talk, he asked me a point blank question that very few people ever ask me: "What do you believe in?"

What makes this even more unusual is that I had an answer. Something I'm going to write down here:

At the moment, positive growth. I believe in bettering myself rather than hope other people do the same. I believe in flux: the world continually changes, and so do I. I don't believe in becoming stagnant. If I'm a certain way for a long enough time, I feel an urge to just pick up and change everything. At first, it was just change of any kind. As I have grown and become more mature, I want to changes in my life to lead me in positive directions. When I do change, I want it to be because I am better serving myself and others, not just to please other people in general.

I don't believe in humanity nearly as much as I used to. There was a time when I could trust anything a given person said. That time is, thankfully, long past. But it was also the time I considered the brightest of my life so far. I want to believe as I did, but I've come to accept that I never really will, and that it's not good for me to. But still... I still want to reach a day where I can believe in the goodness of people but not depend on it. There's a lot of pain I need to work through before I get there, but I'm willing to work through it because I was a lot happier when I believed in the inherent goodness of humanity. Being a teacher is actually helping me with that. They say kids are cruel, but they are also incredibly gentle, endearing, and sweet. They're humanity at its barest essence.

I believe in being honest and loyal, but not defining myself as either one. Not anymore. I spent too much time molding myself to fit a certain lifestyle before I realized that lifestyle didn't meet my needs at all. I spent too much time holding myself and only myself to those standards and letting everyone else slide. I've learned that I can be a good person at heart and that it's ok to have flaws. I haven't fully embraced those flaws, but I'm at least much more aware of them now. 

If I said these always were, are, and always will be my beliefs, I would be lying through my teeth. I tend to do an overhaul of what I stand for at least one a year. These past few years, it's happened more often. A lot has happened in my life to assess where I'm going. I became an "adult," I got a few jobs, I went to grad school,I got engaged. My life is pulling me in a few directions and, frankly, I'm not sure which way I should go. I can't say that I will keep these beliefs as I travel. But I will remember to analyze them and see which ones can help me and which ones hurt.


As far as I am concerned, these are my beliefs, for now. As I've said, I'm a creature of change. Which, ironically enough, is the only true constant about me.

RG