Waking Among Dreams

It's odd how many go into teaching as a back-up plan. I can't really think of anyone who always knew they wanted to be a teacher since they were five or six-years-old. Teaching for me wasn't even an idea until I got a flier in my mailbox for an info session and figured, "Why not?"

I've come across many in my grad school classes. Some came to this country for a new life and were lucky enough to find a career that let them use their native language and paid well. Others are taking classes to become eligible for more money in their jobs. Very few are actually interested in any of these classes. I spoke to a classmate about her dreams today. She was a dancer once. she had planned to teaching dance to younger students after performing on stage. She broke her leg in a freak accident, and while she can walk, she will never dance again.

I listened to her recount the end of her dreams. She is a woman who came to terms with the hand life dealt her. She went to her secondary plan to teach literature, and found happiness in it. She, like myself, needed to reboot and start anew when life didn't quite go the way she planned for it to. And she's just fine now.

I forget that I am young sometimes. After a decade or so of being a voice of reason among peers and elders alike, the fact that I am barely in my mid-20s slips my mind often. I hear a lot from those around me, that my life is ahead of me, that I have years to get where I am going. It just so happens that I went into my back-up plan before actually chasing after a dream. I had never thought of being a teacher before my senior year of college. Even then, I was still doubtful of it.

While I do not regret my decision to teach and work with the young, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had continued to dream. At that point, my chances of going into grad school for English Literature were very low and I probably would have settled into a publishing job. Did I give up on that too early? Perhaps. But in a strange way, I don't miss it all that much.

So, as usual, I have no clear idea of where I'm going. Just that I want to get there as safely and as happily as possible. And even if this teaching thing doesn't work out (Which is looking less likely. It seems to come naturally to me at some points) , I can always go back to my dreams.

RG