Relic

Huh.... I almost forgot about this place...

You know, in the past, I would have hidden something like this. Read over everything in a sense of shame and deleted each entry.

I'm not going to do that.

Instead, I'm going to smile.

I look through those posts and memories swim back to me as simple memories.

No pain. No shame. Just an old relic of a time past.

In the darkest depths, I never thought I would make it to this side.

But I did.

And I'm happy.

Melanie

Two Years Later

When I started this blog, my life was in shambles.

I was struggling with the failure that was my first teaching job.

I was finding myself very lonely in a self imposed sabbatical.

I was doubting everything I ever thought I knew about myself.

It was a very dark time. I faced so many different fears and never thought for a minute that I would make it out.

Now, things are different.

I landed my dream job in Manhattan.

I made a lot of new friends and kept the older friends that mattered.

I realized that I'm more flawed than I thought I was, and that's ok!

My life isn't perfect, but it's so much better than what it was two years ago. The project will continue because I keep growing. There is really no reboot anymore. There's a life that has been changed unquestionably and growth that continues. New name coming soon-ish. Until then, RG, signing off.

Mischief Managed

As it turns out, I did not need to talk to him after all. My fiance did. He sat him down one day and they talked for a long time about the way they saw things and how difficult it was for us to reconcile no longer believing in convenience and having him in our lives.

Would you believe he listened? Would you believe he agreed? Would you believe that he plans on taking a solitary journey much like the one I took in the hopes that, like me, he will find a deeper meaning in the interactions he has with others?

I would not have. Then he surprised us. Amazing when that happens. It's moments like this that little by little restore my faith in others. No grand gestures. No promises. Just simple chats and seeing things from the perspectives of others.

And even if he finds different results, as long as what he believes makes him happy, and not only on the surface, that is what will matter the most. :)

RG

Walking the Walk

Around this time last year, I wrote out my new morality. I looked at things from the perspective of growth and figured out what I wanted to keep in my life and what I wanted gone. For the most part, it hasn't been so difficult to live a life closer to what I consider to be "right."

Of course, complications happen. They happen when people who have a very different idea of friendship than I do try to force me into their vision. My first impulse is to say "No, try mine, it's better!" Thankfully, I know better than to follow it. My morality is not one for everyone. It's for me. There are things about it that other people may not understand, and that's perfectly alright. If they want to learn more about it, they can ask me and I'll share. Otherwise, I tend not to bring it up in my daily life. Just in a few safe spaces, this one included.

What is most difficult is interacting with those whose ideas are the polar opposites of mine. For example, a friend of mine lives by convenience. He does things that are easy (regardless of consequences), mingles with the "right" people, and changes his ideas and opinions based on who or what is around him. My fiance and I both care for him, he's a close friend after all, but as people who don't believe in convenience, it is a struggle to interact with him at times. It's hard for me especially, because I know where he is. I was there too. I see him making all of the same mistakes I used to. I need to fight the urge to guide him because it's not my place. I don't hold his decisions against him, as I would have in the past, but I do wish he would put more thought into them.

As a friend (according to outsiders), I should take the initiative to sit him down and talk to him about what he does. As someone who is practicing a more serene way of life, I find that's not possible anymore. The question becomes - is sticking to what I believe in more important than continuing this connection? Yes, no, maybe? Which one is the right answer? Is there a right answer?

RG

On the Edge of Optimism

I've been reading past old entries in the blog again. I do this when I'm not too sure of what to add. It's always been difficult for me to write when I'm happy. When I'm happy, I want to run out into the sun and dance in the street.

My life has taken so many twists and turns in these past few years. As I type this out now, I glance at the little reminder that I'm getting married on my left hand. It twinkles out of the corner of my eye, and a grin creeps across my face. I look a the tabs open in my browser and see that my e-mail inbox is full of warm, welcoming messages from my new school in Manhattan. I'm happy.

Life has led me to this point where I have absolutely no reason not to smile. I wake up each morning with a peace of mind I have not felt in years. There is no fear of what the day will bring anymore. Only hope and a taste of adventure.

I don't want this to end, even though I know all things, good and bad, do. So I will do the next best thing. I will smile and enjoy each day.

RG

Opportunity Knocks Sometimes

Just when I thought my career was settled, I got another shake up. The dreaded Lay Off. As I read over the details in the letter describing my untimely demise in my current position, I smiled to myself.

Because I had been through this before.
Because I knew exactly what to do.
Because by the time I got official word that I was leaving one place, I received an official invitation to another.

Stability has eluded me once more, but perhaps for the last time. This time I will be seeking it in a city that needs no introduction, a place billions dream of seeing which is conveniently just a train ride away.

That's right, Manhattan. You and I were always meant for each other. Let's make this the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

RG

Growth in Motion

Today is the day where I look at my goals and say I'm coming for you.

Back on the body kick thanks to My Fitness Pal. I've lost about 6 pounds in two weeks and plan to lose even more. Now that I actually have a tracking device, I think I'll be able to get all the excess off in a way that is healthy and long lasting.

Know what else has helped? Zumba! I tend to stay away from trendy workouts like Zumba, Pilates, Bikram Yoga, Aerobics, things that fade. Zumba is actually fun! It's dance class all over again. And for a lady as big as I currently am, I can apparently shake it as well as the instructor. Who knew? ;)

Less than two years away from my wedding. It's becoming more real with each day. I'm not scared, because I know I'm marrying the right man and I love him with everything I am. I'm scared of turning into a monster he won't recognize because of this event, so I'm taking active steps to not be a Bridezilla. Wish me luck!

RG